How to become big in current EDM scene.
Have you ever wanted to be a superstar DJ as quick as possible? Fame, money, hot girls and millions of fans? Look no further! This special guide will show you step by step how to become one.
First of all, you need to choose which style of music you want to produce and play. I will make this very simple for you. There are only two routes that you can go: Avicii/Alesso, or Showtek/W&W style. It only depends if you prefer candy sweet melodies or maybe something a little bit harder with a bass drop. There is absolutely no point in being creative and original, most people don’t want to hear other genres of EDM anyway (actually Dubstep and Trap is still acceptable).
Now it’s time to learn how to produce and dj. OK I was just kidding… ain’t nobody got time for that. Just hire a ghost producer that will do tracks for you. Keep everything simple as possible. Melodies can’t be too complex and drops can consist of max 3 sounds. We don’t want people to use their brains too much or feel emotions. They only need to hear bass and melody that is very easy to hum later on. As for the djing, don’t worry about it. Nowadays we have amazing technology that will make it easy for you, but if you are lazy you can always play prerecorded sets, no one will notice.
PS. If you are really ambitious and decide to do tracks on your own then well… good luck and maybe see you in few years.
At this point you should have some plans regarding your career. Maybe even your first track released and manager taking care of your stuff. You’ve been playing gigs for a while and still 100 fans on Facebook? Time to do promotion ! It doesn’t matter how shitty music you or your ghost producer do. It’s all about creating a superstar image. I assume you already have all social media profiles. Let’s do a fan number boosting. The best and fastest way is to buy them. For example, you want to go from 100 followers to 100,000 on Twitter in one day? No problem. Who cares if they are fake? The number counts and you will look like a boss. Also make sure to take care of youtube and soundcloud plays. The last thing you need is a professional photo shoot showing how cool you are. Let’s go to step 4.
You managed to fool people and you are getting bigger and bigger now. You probably still play as a support act before the big guys but don’t worry you are getting there. Girls are throwing panties at you and you spray them with champagne. Everything is perfect. Remember, it’s not about music but performance. Make sure you jump a lot, do heart shapes, crowd surfing and other crazy stuff. From time to time use microphone to tell people to “raise their hands up”, “make some noise” or scream other shit. They will love you. Soon you can start giving ridiculous demands in your rider, like 20 bottles of wine and vodka, 48 beers, 6 nutellas, giant teddy bear, 100 balloons, cakes and so on. Ok, we just need few more big gigs in USA, next radio hit vocal single that people will sing, maybe a scandal that everyone will talk about and….
Congratulations, you are the A-List DJ right now. You create trends and teach younger generation how “wonderful” and “diverse” mainstream EDM is today. Good job!
This text was written because of my extreme boredom on Sunday and wasn’t meant to offend anyone.
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